i'm not in jail!

but i might be soon.
so when i hit my ex boyfriend, he called the cops and i got arrested. i spent the night in jail and i have been out on bail. I went to my court date and they had not yet filed charges against me so i was let free.but i was warned that they had up to a year to file the charges. the next day i get the mail and there is a letter from the DA saying they have filed battery charges against me and have to appear in front of a judge. this sucks so much cuz i didn't do anything wrong. he hit me first and i'm the one up for battery. the whole court system is fucked up and i wish all this would just be over with =[

so, i'm single. any prince charmings out there....(i also just got out of jail)

SO! listen to myyy day. so i was in town when someone tells my my boyfriend OF FOUR YEARS has had a girlfriend. i get her number call her and tell her to meet me at his work. she tells me that they had sex LAST NIGHT!!! we had sex THIS MORNING. So, God knows I could have some nasty std. ugh. so this means he has been lying to me for two weeks now. piece of shit. so i comfront him at his work and he gets in my face ans grabs me and goese to hit me and i'm yelling so he gets me to my breaking point and i punch him for doing what he did and hit him before he hit me. because he has a violent past. i mean, how fucked up could you get. he spits at me and pushes me and i slap him. big deal. his mommy calls the police and files domestic assault charges. so i got arrested at work and taken to jail. the people were hekka nice =] but i so don't like jail. the whole time all the police men, my bail-man, my co-workers, my family all said i did the right thing and he deserves more and they would have done the exact same thing, if not worse. i mean, how low can a boy go? to spit at a girl and push her. he has hit me so many times before. i never filed anything. no one believed that i was the one to end up in the jail cell. so stupid. i mean if you found out your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife was having sex with another person, you don't just walk away calmly...no. i hate him more than anything. and he will regret this and live with it for the rest of his life. me on the other hand, well, i'm moving on. i'm moving out with my friend. and i am going to find my real price charming.

just to be fair...

i don't like.

ughh :(

so, i am so completely frustrated right now. you know those times in life where you just want to sit back and ask yourself why? well this is one of those times. i have never understood why people do the things that they do. perhaps that is why i am taking a psychology class, to understand the way people operate and their reasoning behind things. i am quite the opinionated person but i am also extremely caring and understanding. i'm not afraid to admit that i am wrong but when i should never have to feel such disrespect from a person. it's hard for me to get angry without feeling guilty. if i yell, or get yelled at, i feel like all i can do is cry. i hate when people are mad at me and i hate being mad at people. i like a drama filled life and i do not go searching for it. i like laughter, smiles, hugs and sunshine and i don't know why people burden me with their rain clouds. i feel i have failed sometimes when i do not get the appreciation for the things i do. there is nothing more hurtful that someone you love and care about making you feel useless. i wish i could understand why people say the things they do, when they know they will regret the words they say. i wish people could take a step back and think through their words before they throw them onto someone else. apologies do not solve everything, the words stick with you. i try to do my best and be the best for the people i love. i do not go out of my way to be someone i am not, and i wish people would just accept the person i am. i am who i want to be. i don't need a label, i don't need fancy clothes, i just want to be happy. and i wish people would not take life so seriously and just be happy with me. God gave us one life, one life to live happy or sad. it's each individuals choice, but why not live it happy. why not live each day like tomorrow will never come. don't hurt people with your words. don't be greedy. don't be angry. don't be selfish. don't be hurtful. just don't. live like there is no tomorrow!