mhmmm

In such a judging world
With beauty left untold
It’s hard to make a memory
With standards to uphold

Remembering the past
And feeling so withdrawn
Trying to relive the memories
And moments far foregone

Battling to stay afloat
In an endless war
Allows now time to hear the wind
To feel the sand upon the shore

If hearts were made unbreakable
Love would have no shame
So instead our hearts run wild
In a world we cannot tame

The biggest regrets in life
Are the risks you never take
So take with you the beauty
In every memory you make

This heart is up for breaking
At times it may be weak
But its time to seize the moment
For it’s true love that I seek

i'm not in jail!

but i might be soon.
so when i hit my ex boyfriend, he called the cops and i got arrested. i spent the night in jail and i have been out on bail. I went to my court date and they had not yet filed charges against me so i was let free.but i was warned that they had up to a year to file the charges. the next day i get the mail and there is a letter from the DA saying they have filed battery charges against me and have to appear in front of a judge. this sucks so much cuz i didn't do anything wrong. he hit me first and i'm the one up for battery. the whole court system is fucked up and i wish all this would just be over with =[

so, there is a really cute boy in this english class...

but too bad he'll never know it's him, since no boys read these blogs ;)

yes.

without you, i live it up a little more everyday. without you, i'm seeing myself so differently. i didn't wanna believe it then, but it all worked out in the end. when i watched you walk away, well i'd never thought i'd say, i'm fine without you! <3

songssss

"When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest, don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect, but neither have you"

i absolutely love these lyrics. this is one of my favorite songs to put on repeat and just listen and zone out to. it really makes you question, "what do i leave behind when i'm gone"

"I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath"

this is my all time favorite worship song. i absolutely love my Lord and Savior and i love listen to the music that praises Him. this song makes me cry everytime i hear it because i know i've done some dumb things but Jesus is looking into my heart.

"I wanna love like Johnny and June,
Rings of fire burnin' with you,
I wanna walk the line,
Walk the line,
'Till the end of time,
I wanna love,
Love ya that much,
Cash it all in,
Give it all up,
When you're gone,
I wanna go too,
Like Johnny and June"

i want my love to be exactly like johnny and junes. this is also a song very close to me because a boyyyyy i have always been in love with and i sing this song together =D

so, i forgot what it was like to be single...

IT IS AMAZING!!!!! i was never able to do anything when i was with my controlling ex. now i can do anything. i partied with my friends all weekend! i was never even allowed to see my girl friends or have boys phone numbers! so this weekend i hung out with all those i haven't been allowed to see. i hella partied all weekend and i kisssssssssssed cuuuute boys and got butterflies!!!!!!! heh. its so exciting. i haven't had a better weekend in so long. i am now going on day four with no sleep at all. my best friend and i went to jackson, as well! it was so much fun. i won a lot of money but then i accidentally blew it. heh. i couldn't ask for better friends. =D i'm just so happy. i now see how stupid i was for being with him and falling for all his stupid shit! i am so glad to have my own life back and i couldn't ask for more!

so, i'm single. any prince charmings out there....(i also just got out of jail)

SO! listen to myyy day. so i was in town when someone tells my my boyfriend OF FOUR YEARS has had a girlfriend. i get her number call her and tell her to meet me at his work. she tells me that they had sex LAST NIGHT!!! we had sex THIS MORNING. So, God knows I could have some nasty std. ugh. so this means he has been lying to me for two weeks now. piece of shit. so i comfront him at his work and he gets in my face ans grabs me and goese to hit me and i'm yelling so he gets me to my breaking point and i punch him for doing what he did and hit him before he hit me. because he has a violent past. i mean, how fucked up could you get. he spits at me and pushes me and i slap him. big deal. his mommy calls the police and files domestic assault charges. so i got arrested at work and taken to jail. the people were hekka nice =] but i so don't like jail. the whole time all the police men, my bail-man, my co-workers, my family all said i did the right thing and he deserves more and they would have done the exact same thing, if not worse. i mean, how low can a boy go? to spit at a girl and push her. he has hit me so many times before. i never filed anything. no one believed that i was the one to end up in the jail cell. so stupid. i mean if you found out your boyfriend/girlfriend husband/wife was having sex with another person, you don't just walk away calmly...no. i hate him more than anything. and he will regret this and live with it for the rest of his life. me on the other hand, well, i'm moving on. i'm moving out with my friend. and i am going to find my real price charming.

why me?

so, i am pretty freaking heated right now. i don't know why it always has to be me. i have the worst luck in the planet with cars. see, its not easy for me to be without a car. i live over an hour from school, work, even a grocery store. but this morning my engine blew up. why you ask? because some fuckhead mechanic put my timing belt on wrong and i drove on a bad timing belt and all the wear and tear on the engine made it break. so now i have no idea what i am going to do. i have bad credit and could never afford a car payment right now. i have only had this car for a year. before this i had another car. but a month after having it i was rear ended and almost died in such a horrible accident. it took my over a year to get my insurance money and get a new car. and now this one breaks. i have no idea what i am going to do. i am super depressed and i have absolutely no ride anywhere because besides my car we only have one other junker car that my mom takes to work at four in the morning. so if anyone is selling a car and would let me make payments or something...tell me =[

wtf is 2012

a bunch of bullshit is what it is. so, i had this guy lecturing me for an hour today after work at one in the morning telling me how everyone is going to die in the year 2012. how the "planet x" is going to come within inches of the earth and there are going to be massive earthquakes and tornadoes and radiation killing off the people. how the united states will no longer exist. only a select few are supposed to live. and those that will live will be living in complete hell and under a dictatorship. he says that within nine months canada, mexica and united states will become on big nation. how there is going to be a flesh eating poison in the air. how 2011 will be the last year of our life. i believe in Jesus Christ. I don't believe in 2012. the myan and chinese calander end..so? how horrible would that be to live your life "knowing" you were going to die in three years. what would the point be of having a family or a job? there would be no purpose. what would be the point of eating heathly and dieting to make yourself appear better? nothing. your body would cease to exist within three years. i'm supposed to believe that i am going to die before i turn 21? i think not. I believe that my God will come when it is time for him to come. my bible does not say i am going to die in the year 2012 and no man can dictate when the rapture will happen. everything happens for a reason. but in GODS timing. not mans timing.

does anyoneee

have a car they want to sell? :D

so...valentines....

wasn't as successful as i wanted it to be, but it was nice :) he make me sketti for dinner and bought me the most perfect card ever and really pretty candles and we watched movies all night. next years has to be perfect. has to be. we will be living together and will actually have money!! but i guess valentines day shouldn't even be made into such a huge deal. because all days should be romantic and lovey. and me and my boy are romantic and lovey everyday. so i have realized that i shouldn't make such a big deal out of one hallmark day. :)) so i hope everyone else had a great day with their loversss :)

valentines day...

so, my boyfriend and i have been together for three years but two valentines days so far and both of them have been a disaster. so this year we were hoping to have a nice romantic night together and just have a beautiful valentines day, but due to the lack of money we both have, that just might not happen. :( but let me tell you about the first two years. well, the first year we were together i was 16 and he was only 15 and neither of us drove, but we still had dinner reservations for mimi's cafe in folsom. the only problem was that his mom thought she was invited too since she was driving. needless to say, we all got into a huge, i mean HUGE, fight that ended up in us breaking up on valentines day because she forbade us to see each other ever again. the next year was sort of successful. my friend and i skipped school and went shopping all day for cute little things and sexy lingerie to make the night romantic. but my boyfriend was really grumpy that day because we were going through break-ups and make-ups like every day and he practically hated me all the time. (that was the rough 6 months of our relationship) but i spent the night at his house anyways and it was nothing like i wanted. yeah, we spent the night together but i'm pretty sure we just fought the whole time. so this year, our relationship is the most perfect thing i could ever ask for and we really wanted to do something cute. once again, his mom is going to be away and we get the house to ourselves. so all i asked for was for him to just make me a candlelit dinner and rent some lovey-dovey movies and have a quiet night at home where we can just be all lovey and perfect. it doesn't cost money to be romantic and express your love. so, i have high hopes for this year. so! happy valentines day everyone!!!!

i think

since i am the only person that has ever commented on anyone's blogs, that i should get an automaic a in this class :)

doucheee

so there is this guy that i work with that is a total douchebag. he feels the need to say a rude comment about me to every customer that comes through his line. he is barely thirty but hates anyone under twenty. he thinks kids are "dirty rats" and he makes sure everyone knows how he feels about them. i want to punch him in the fucking face every time he talks. he sounds so ignorant talking out of his ass about how much better he is than everyone else. ugghhh.

essssaayyyyyyyy

so, i'm sitting here trying to write my personal narrative for this class and i have no idea of my topic. so instead, i am writing a blog of how much i procrastinate. i love to wait until the last minute to do things. i feel as if i work better under pressure. i was thinking about writing my essay about my boyfriend but i'd feel like i talk about him too much :)i seriously am not sure. another thing....i am so bummed that nobody comments on my blogs but i comment on everyones :(( :(( so waiting til the last minute probably wasn't the best idea, but, until today, i had forgotten all about the essay. ughh. i should get started. as of now i have one hour and fourty seven minutes to write a four page essay. good luck to me! but today already started off bad because i failed my first psyc test. hah. i'm kinda a failure. :) i think i am going to do it on my boyfriend, actually. i'm pretty sure he is the only thing i can write that much about. like i said, i'm kinda boring. perhaps i could write about animal cruelty and why i became a vegetarian. hey! that is actually a good idea. maybe this stupid blog rant is helping my in a way other that wasting time. :) so i think i'll do that. but i'm pretty sure i can't write that much on being a vegetarian. wish me luck :) okayyy. here i goooooooo.................

just to be fair...

i don't like.

ughh :(

so, i am so completely frustrated right now. you know those times in life where you just want to sit back and ask yourself why? well this is one of those times. i have never understood why people do the things that they do. perhaps that is why i am taking a psychology class, to understand the way people operate and their reasoning behind things. i am quite the opinionated person but i am also extremely caring and understanding. i'm not afraid to admit that i am wrong but when i should never have to feel such disrespect from a person. it's hard for me to get angry without feeling guilty. if i yell, or get yelled at, i feel like all i can do is cry. i hate when people are mad at me and i hate being mad at people. i like a drama filled life and i do not go searching for it. i like laughter, smiles, hugs and sunshine and i don't know why people burden me with their rain clouds. i feel i have failed sometimes when i do not get the appreciation for the things i do. there is nothing more hurtful that someone you love and care about making you feel useless. i wish i could understand why people say the things they do, when they know they will regret the words they say. i wish people could take a step back and think through their words before they throw them onto someone else. apologies do not solve everything, the words stick with you. i try to do my best and be the best for the people i love. i do not go out of my way to be someone i am not, and i wish people would just accept the person i am. i am who i want to be. i don't need a label, i don't need fancy clothes, i just want to be happy. and i wish people would not take life so seriously and just be happy with me. God gave us one life, one life to live happy or sad. it's each individuals choice, but why not live it happy. why not live each day like tomorrow will never come. don't hurt people with your words. don't be greedy. don't be angry. don't be selfish. don't be hurtful. just don't. live like there is no tomorrow!

the love of my life <3

michael justin kerr. we have been together now for three years and he is everything i could ever want. some of you may know him for some of the stupid things he has done, but we have both done stupid things. but, we have both grown together and have become so stong and in love with everything about each other. we have been down a rough road to get where we are now but i would never change a thing. it difinitely has not been easy, but is love ever easy? everything that people go though happens for a reason and i strongly believe this. he and i are currently working on finding an apartment and it is such a wonderful and fun experience. we are getting the opportunity to know each other better (if that's possible) and to prepare for a life together. all my dreams have come true because of this boy and without him i feel like a lot would never be possible. he has always been my knight and shining armour and has done the best that he can for us. he is the most caring boy and he does everything to make me smile. i could never imagine life without him and writing this blog is only making me miss his cute face :) i love him with all my heart soul and there is never a moment that i take our love for granted or forget the struggle we have been through to get where we are now. the best and worst times of my life have been with him and i don't regret one moment.

my very first blog :)

my very first blog and i really have no idea what to say. my bestest friend is sitting next to me, so that made the topic a little easier. her name is darci anne luce. she is also in the english class that i am posting this blog for :) she is pretty much one of the most amazing people alive! her and i are so completely similar it's ridiculous! we can always find fun things to do on walks down main street or long car rides to la. we once wrote a list of our commonalities and lets just say it wasn't exactly earth friendly. we used enormous amounts of paper from the large list but it was so fun. making fun of dancing girls with back braces, chasing drunk old men at bars, our diets that never work, being thugs on disneyland rides, eating chips and salsa with only the juice, are are just a few of our memories. she is super cute, has such a fun attitude, and has a beautiful smile. not to mention HEY BOYS HEY!!! SHE IS SINGLE!!! :)) she is always there for me and even though we tend to disagree on some things we can never stay mad at each other. we both have strong personalities, so sometimes we get into little arguments but we always look past those. i love her so much and i just wanted our class, and the world, to know how wonderful she is!!! :))